break my fall

April 25, 2007

The toughest thing about life is the battle we fight on a daily basis to fend off the constant struggles thrown at us. It is not the physical hardships that cause us the most grief, but the mental battles that tax our minds and bodies. There is a war of the souls waged in our world. The swords clashing are not made out of steel, yet they are just as lethal – slicing the self-esteems of people into shreds. All that is left is a battlefield full of the cut-up remains of what used to be complete individuals.

The further I climb up this corporate ladder, and I suppose the ladder of life, the worst I feel. At the lower rungs, everything is fine. You’re safe, still can mess around without much harm. The more you go up, the less secure the world seems toe be. One wrong move and down you go, with nothing there to break your fall until you get to the very bottom. It hurts a lot more when you fall from up high than you down low down to the ground.

The problem right now is not how vulnerable I feel; it’s how little I care about what happens to me. There is no cause for concern for my health and satisfaction with life. I just finished working over two weeks straight, and I felt like I could just keep on going. I didn’t mind it, as much as I complained about waking up at 6a.m. daily through that period and staying up until 11p.m. dealing with issues. The easiest part of the job was making sure I was there and doing my job. Right now, if I slip up and fall, it won’t bother me at all, which doesn’t make any sense to me. I should be concerned about how far I’ve come the past year at my job, and how much closer I am to attaining a goal. I shouldn’t want to have to repeat all my hard work in another organization. My concern is not about me slipping up, but is instead focused on the rung breaking ahead of me or under me.

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