July 14th, 2005
“You should be cultivating the kind of maturity that will loosen your inhibitions and banish your fears.”
Those words were found in the horoscope on this day. I’m sitting in the Starbucks downtown in Syracuse, enjoying my usual white mocha, and an oatmeal raisin cookie. Perhaps a bit more expensive than it should be but I’m not one to argue on this day.
The words in the horoscope are very fitting for this day on many levels. On the most basic level, today makes it the one week anniversary of us meeting online – two days before that was when I discovered your website. Every day since that initial meeting, I feel myself losing a piece of my mind or body. I’m not losing it to a person but rather it is behaving in ways that aren’t normal for me. It will say and do things that I never felt possible before. The idea of moving to Australia no longer seems like an impossibility but a possible future for me. Being strongly connected to a girl after such a short time period is unheard of. Being infatuated with a girl has happened, but never on such a level of complete honesty and openess.
Our conversations have been about anything that comes to mind. I do not find myself getting bored with our conversations. If there was such a thing as an enemy for us, it would be tiredness. I can only imagine the day when we meet and get onto the same time schedule. It will be like living in paradise with an angel at my side. If I can feel speechless just hearing your voice on the phone, I have no idea how I’ll behave when I have you in my presence. Surely, it will be the best thing I’ve ever experienced.
But I’m losing track of the intention of this writing. Those words stated at the beginning should be my new mantra for life.
Loosen your inhibitions and banish your fears.
Isn’t that what life is all about? Live the natural life without holding back. This is a lesson you’ve grown up to understand perfectly. I still hold back, but you’ve made me realize what the possiility of me being like are. It’s a lesson that will last a lifetime for me.
But these words could be discovered any day. Why would they be that much more special for me today? Because I walked through a storm to reach my destination.
Half an hour before I set out there were sounds of thunder behind my apartment building. There was no rain, so I decided to start walking downtown. It would take around 30 mins to reach the Starbucks. When I hit the walkway underneath the interstate highways, the rain came down. Hard. Before I could get inside a building I was drenched.
While walking through the downtown core, people camped out to make sure they didn’t get wet. Others had their umbrellas out, and others still ran around like they getting hit with volcanic ash or something. Ridiculous. That’s what it was. It was too late for me to get dry by then, so I walked calmly and enjoyed it.
Listening to the constant roar of thunder, seeing the flashes of lightening, I started thinking of you and how the storm echoed the feelings I felt in the deepest part of my heart.
You really know how to make my heart pound in my chest, lifting my spirits to new heights, and make me want to do incredible things. Every day since you entered my life, it has been like this storm- wild and unpredictable. Exhilerating feelings in my body. You chase other people into the buildings to get shelter, make them race to their destination.
All but one.
I am alone in walking in the storm facing you.
I am the one person you cannot scare off, the one who will eventually join you.